I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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