I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
