This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
