I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
