he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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