No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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