Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
