I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
