just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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