She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
