Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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