to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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