look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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