Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This toilet bowl is my home.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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