the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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