It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
