I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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