this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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