I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
