I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
