peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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