Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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