I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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