This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
