Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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