You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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