I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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