Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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