Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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