She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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