I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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