I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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