guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
