he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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