Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
