Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
