Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
