what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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