sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
