A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
