shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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