he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
