She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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