Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
