Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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