I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
