He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
