I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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