I'm eating all of the evidence.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
