operation have a gay friend backfired
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
