is your mom at the bar?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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